“STOP BEING NICE, START BEING KIND”

THE THIN LINE BETWEEN KINDNESS And NICENESS

As I’ve learned the hard way, being kind and being nice are not interchangeable terms. While both traits may appear similar, they have distinct differences that can significantly impact our well-being. Kindness prioritizes self-love and self-respect, sets healthy boundaries, values mutual respect and empathy, communicates openly and honestly, and puts one’s own needs first without apology. On the other hand, niceness sacrifices self-love for others’ approval, lacks boundaries, enables exploitation, fosters people-pleasing and codependency, suppresses emotions and authenticity, and puts others’ needs first, compromising one’s own well-being.

The Dangers of Niceness

Being overly nice can have severe consequences. It enables manipulation and emotional abuse, encourages toxic relationships, erases personal identity and autonomy, creates resentment and burnout, and confuses self-worth with others’ validation. Niceness can lead to a loss of self-respect, dignity, and even mental and physical health. It’s essential to recognize the dangers of niceness and make a conscious effort to shift towards kindness.

Recognizing Manipulation

Manipulation often disguises itself as love, but there are distinct differences. Manipulative behavior ignores boundaries and disrespects personal space, uses guilt, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail, prioritizes control over mutual understanding, disregards feelings, needs, and desires, and loves the idea of you, not the real you. True love, on the other hand, respects boundaries and individuality, communicates openly and honestly, values mutual growth and understanding, supports personal goals and aspirations, and loves you for who you are, flaws and all.

Distinguishing True Love from Infatuation.

Infatuation idealizes and objectifies, disregards boundaries and needs, focuses on personal gain or convenience, prioritizes emotional control, and loves the idea of you, not the real you. True love, however, values the authentic connection and mutual respect. It’s crucial to distinguish between true love and infatuation to avoid toxic relationships.

Breaking Free from Niceness

To transition from niceness to kindness, it’s essential to set clear boundaries, prioritize self-love and self-care, communicate assertively, value mutual respect, and learn to say “no” without guilt. This transformation requires self-awareness, courage, and a willingness to redefine relationships and personal values.

Conclusion

Kindness is not weakness; it’s strength. Niceness, on the other hand, can be a toxic facade. By recognizing the differences between kindness and niceness, we can build healthier relationships, prioritize self-love and self-respect, break free from manipulation and emotional abuse, and cultivate genuine connections. Remember, loving yourself first is not selfish; it’s essential.

Hypothesis of Society against Reality. Who takes responsibility… men or women?

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Society is guided by certain norms that seek to promote decency and a high sense of responsibility amongst its habitats. Among these are doctrines that appeal to the logical senses of man and some that needs a second thought regarding what reality is, as against how such principles are interpreted by society.

It is refreshing when every individual in society embraces unity to foster stronger bond for security, good health and economic growth that falls in tune with the famous quote “Be your neighbors’ keeper”. But a deep reflection on reality has revealed the free fall of present-day societal standards and the lack of logical reasoning in societal practices.

Before I go straight to the point, I would suggest that we adapt to change as the clock tick’s day by day causing visible changes in the atmosphere from sunrise to sunset.

Amazingly, issues of who takes welfare responsibility have widely been debated among men and women with an obvious biased judgement after every argument. But a pause to ask the “What if…?” question when your welfare becomes someone’s responsibility could probably compel one to take precautions and prepare for any eventuality.

Society has created a widely accepted notion that it is a man’s responsibility to provide for his wife, children, and possibly other relations depending on family ties. And a woman is to see to the safekeep of the home and children as a way to support the man. But are these norms feasible in the context of reality?

Now the reality is that, this particular doctrine has caused most women to depend solely on their men for survival and as a result has made some men very powerful and abusive because they are the sole bankrollers of the family.

Some responsible men will abide by social doctrines by taking full responsibility of the family and have their women limit themselves to the running of the home. But could this have a negative future implication?

Some women also prefer to defy societal norms and have chosen to be financially independent despite all odds.

But I ask my colleague women, where l do you belong?

Thus situation of “ He is responsible to take care of me” has affected us as people so much that, some men give their all, all in the name of being responsible whilst some women women (in most cases) seat helplessly and enjoy proceeds of the man’s labor without considering any untimely misfortune.

Regardless of the responsibility bestowed on men by society, some men have also chosen to be irresponsible whilst their woman take up the mantle of responsibility and execute it perfectly. At this point, some women who fall victim of emotional and phycological torture in the hands of irresponsible men are compelled to resort to legal means by fighting their case at every available law enforcement agency of concern, family, and traditional councils. Life could have been much easier and better if the victim had not made their welfare the sole responsibility of a man.

I grew up telling myself that I am my own responsibility and the only responsibility my parent owes me is birth. Once I begin to reason and think critically as a woman, then I’m on my own and I can reason with a man to make life meaningful or have it done all by myself. Yet society is telling me it’s a man’s responsibility to take care of me as a woman and our children.

Don’t men also need care? Must they always be the ones providing for us? Must they always be the ones giving us gifts and pampering us. I know woman can supper responsible than men if I am allowed to say that. If you look at the single parents in the world 90% of them are woman, not just any women, bitter women who feel their men should have been there to give them all the love and support they need as a family. And as a result, most women end up bring up bitter kids because they are bitter and toxic.

The partner who left the kids and the toxic one who stays produces the same result, its take special kids to breakthrough and become direct opposite of what their toxic parent plant in them.

I believe it is high time society start teaching reality and stop presenting us with hypothesis, because the vulnerable ones are left to suffer from so many things because society has refused to tell us the realities of life.

It’s high time we take up the mantle and blame no one for our misfortunes if a man refuses a responsibility bestowed on him by society it doesn’t justify their actions or make them right, but you shouldn’t end up in mediocrity, live a good example by becoming better.

I don’t think responsibility should be gender centered, be responsible because you are human and if for nothing at all, you should be responsible for your own life. We all need someone to lean on, no one is an island.

There is always someone looking at you from afar taking notes, being inspired or learning from you. Make your responsibility your own.

Be responsible because you are a human

I am a Feminist but Now i’m on The fence!

I have engaged my thoughts couple of times about this present-day generation for some funny reasons and I have always asked myself if there could be something positive left for the coming generation to feed on.

My impression about the whole feminism idea has taken a different twist and, in this case, you could see a total digression from the feminism agenda.

In the name of feminism women are sited in various medium fighting aggressively for equal right yet the rate of abuse spanning from the home of the crusader to the last woman yet be convinced on this subject is on the rise. This is because the feminism agenda looks fine on paper but preached differently.

Per my conviction, the rate of abuse by men could decrease drastically if the true voice of feminism is well preached by the crusader to the understanding of the abusers (men).

I stand to be corrected, but I grew up to know that the feminism agenda was initiated as a voice for women in our society to have equal right and voice as men, to attain the level of education of choice, gain white color jobs, partake in politics and rule in high offices, become property and business owners, and also have opinion when necessary? if you agree with me then why have the rate of abuse become uncontrollably high.

I am a bit puzzled and it makes me feel feminism has been misrepresented because the 21^st century generation of most women have a total disconnect with work and reading for a better understanding on what they can make out of life. Obviously, the reasons most young women/girls become victims of abuse. After all we end up teaching the victims to hate men in the name of feminism.

I speak boldly about women today because it looks like most women yell and talk about feminism yet lack knowledge on what it truly represents. I did not propound the feminism theory nor rate myself as an expert of the ideology that is why I am here to be educated and will be glad to have anyone share their thought with me on the subject.

I say this because about 60% of the women advocating for feminism have demonstrated sheer laziness and have the notion that their livelihood is man’s responsibility yet refuse to work. Some prefer to engage in sex trade for money, or post their nude pictures online as a prime responsibility to lure men 24/7.

Such characters are quick to leave their homes to settle with a man they are not married to. When I last checked, feminism demand respect but now feminism is seen as something negative. feminism doesn’t say “you don’t need marriage”, it means marriage should not be your ultimate goal as a woman, it means you can become anything you want even after marriage.

Now the common conversation heard among a gathering of young ladies of such class is all about men; whose boyfriend owns the latest car, the latest phone, where they were taking by their men and how hard they laugh at the other woman who is trying to set up her own business just to make money and how her boyfriend doesn’t own the latest car or phone even though he is working so hard.

Most of these young women are very vibrant on social media with all forms of abuses on their fellow women who are able to open up on their issues just to make it seem as though they are beyond perfect.

I know a lady who’s so called boyfriend beats her up almost every day but won’t let him go because of his wealth yet, she will go ahead to flaunt her fake life on social media for others to believe she has the best of life which later ends up in tears.

Is that what feminism teaches? Did feminism ever say we should ‘shout’ it but become slaves because women are too weak and lazy to work for money?

A woman’s dignity or protection is her self-earned little money. Please if I am wrong about all this or any of the above please educate me. Let’s not forget we women are the gate way to earth and we are stronger than we think. Knowledge to the next generation will be passed through us because we are the mothers of earth.

What exactly are we going to pass on to our kids with all these ways of life? Most feminist are preaching virtue but practicing vices.

I am sad I need to be honest and I am confused about these whole feminism ideologies. Is there another face to this feminism agenda? please educate me.

I am a feminist but now I am on defence!

Merry Christmas 🌲☃️♥️

Merry Christmas to you all and your beautiful family. I know it’s Christmas and we are all trying to be grateful and happy for a day like this. Some people have a lot to eat today, some have just a little, and some do not have at all. Someone died today, someone was born today, someone got admitted today at the hospital, so as much as it’s Christmas we all have different feelings depending on what the family is being served with by nature.

Yes today is christmas and I’m so happy as an individual but at the same time a lot is running through my mind, trying to get a recap of how my 2019 went, quickly then I remembered we all have lost some people we wish were in our lives forever and some of us are still hurt, some of us have healed, some of us till think about them and when we do, we either smile or cry, what ever the case is be happy at the end.

I believe some families today should be speaking their heart out to each other, because most of us are just pretending to be okay with each other whiles we are not. See, this is not the time to present gifts to loved ones without forgiving them, Open upto them about what ever they did to you and give them the chance to explain themselves and apologize to you.

Life is short and we need times like this to iron things out, don’t forget it’s Christmas and all we need is genuine love and happiness. Love easily, forgive quickly but be conscious so you don’t get fooled again.

Let share the little we have with others out there, because lots of people are smiling this festive season but are broken, hungry, and unhappy. Show love, by giving and by being nice and smile. Be the reason someone will smile and thank God today.

Merry Christmas once again and a prosperous new year, full of love, happiness,joy,peace, new ideas and a lot of money to make the ideas a reality.

Much love ❤️

Growth is Priceless.✊♥️

I used to care so much about what others think of me, what they will say in my absence, due to this, I always wanted to fit in when i was born to stand out.

I keep asking myself why do i even want to fit in when I was born to stand out? Well it’s all because I didn’t love myself enough to know i matter more to myself than any other person in my life. So I allow people to abuse me, use me for their selfish gains and I was scared to say no to them because I didn’t want to lose them.

I am glad the year 2019 came, because this year broke me, scattered me, punished me for being So selfless , opened my eyes and healed me after I got to know who i was and the potential I had and how I can change the world in my own little way.

Well, I call It growth, and I personally feel growth is Priceless, it’s peaceful. It a state where you don’t care about what someone says or thinks about you, a state where you get to know you and understand you more, which leads to self love.

A state where your peace of mind is your priority, a state where you take tough decisions that make you happy without thinking of who agrees with you or not. A state where, you can step out alone with a beautiful smile and spoil yourself, a state where you realize that, you don’t need a man to be complete but you complete yourself. A state where you realize that you deserve better, interms of a relationship, a state where you realize that marriage is not an achievement, I’m not saying that marriage is bad but, a state where you marry at your own time not society’s time. A state where you dress because you want to look good for you but not for any man or in competition any another woman, a state where following your purpose which is Gods gift for your life is the goal. I state here you say to yourself, I AM EUNOGH.

I believe this is a state of maturity, a state of self love, a state of knowing that your peace of mind is pricessless, a state where you love others regardless of what they do to you. A state where humanity is your heartbeat.

I am happy I have attained this state and I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming.

I love me, I’m going to protect my space to boost my peace of mind. I am loving humanity regardless.

Growth is Priceless ❤️.

Please drop your comments by telling me what you think growth is, this is my experience.

Dream of an African child.

I am an African child, and mama Africa is my mother, that alone makes me proud and happy, but I am down with millions of questions, most importantly about my dreams.

I am an African child and I have dreams without opportunities to help make them a reality. Due to this African mothers have become so religious hoping God our creator will help those dreams come through, so have the African child become.

But I have seen countless dreams die because we lack opportunities and I ask, do we really need opportunities to make our dream come through or we need to be all religious or we need both? What if we never see that dream come through because we lack opportunities yet we are religious?

I am as confuse as any other African child with dreams.

Sometimes, I feel religion is slavery, sometimes I feel we don’t work hard enough, sometime I feel Mama African is destine to do nothing but only suffer with her childrens, children, children.

Corruption everywhere, dream killers everywhere, families do not even believe in their children dreams. They discourage us and most of us are cursed by our forefathers to come suffer for their mistakes, so generations after them keep suffering with shattered heart.

Mama African, your children have dreams that needs not just religion but opportunities and your blessings to make your home Africa a better place.

Mama Africa I know you are a spirit and you can hear our cry, come to our aid. Communicate with our creator on our behalf for once so we can be bless with good fortune to makes you proud.

How long will we depend on the white race? To them we are nothing but human monkeys, they hate us because we are black and our skin alone is a weapon they fear, but we need your blessings to help us use this weapon well in order to bring good fortunes to you.

Mama African, your children have dreams, help us makes these dream a reality.

The dream of every African child is as important as any other dream.

The good spirits of Africa,speak for your children for we have dreams that can put permanent smiles on your faces

I am an African child, and I have a dream!

Anywhere you are in the world, your dream is valid. African child keep dreaming.

#dreams

#AfricanChild

#MamaAfrican

Kind words.

Not everyone needs money,food and cloth all the time, sometimes all they need is a hug, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on without a word.
Mental health is real, depression is real and suicide thoughts are real.
Let learnt to know people beyond what they present to us because there are countless people who are dead but walking around, your kind word could awake them.

Kind words go a long way to heal the soul, and change a person.

Be kind enough so anytime your name comes in mind, we can smile.

We will be fine, it’s just a matter if time.

Black Bird

I take responsibility of the few things that I did right,

I just have so much on my plate and scared to take another bit

“Why you want to fly black bird? you can never fly,
because your mom’s name is lonely, your dad’s name is pain , they called you little sorrow and you are not allow to love
It’s unfortunate no one is here to hold you black bird”,but I had to flight in order to get my dreams together.

But vision of the star, made me appreciate the sun. Vision of my mistakes made me appreciate the right ones and this makes me pray, I am grateful for my mistakes.

Grateful, even though the pain was pulling me down, I appreciated it enough to pull myself out.

I Bless Fortune, I am the Black Bird

Love and Ego

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy mothers day mom

I love you

I adore u

I admire your strength .

You have been through a lot since the day you were born, like you always say. You carried all these anger to us and make us feel like we caused all your pain, but I understand your frustration, your anger and your fear to fail us your girls but on behalf of my sisters, we wish you a happy mothers days.

We love you so much and we promise to make you proud , especially me your first child even tho I never felt I was one.

I love you mother

We love you

And God loves you most

Families gets destroy by anger and pain but like I always say, forgive quickly, love easily, get that anger off your heart and heal.

Learn to understand why people do what they do

Life is short

Love now that you have the opportunity

Happy mother’s day mom ( Anita Afi Sorkpor) I love you

I owe you a gift and I will make you proud and I will be the woman you always saw me to me to be.

I wish there was a better word than I love.

And to all mothers in the world

You guys are amazing

Yes we know you are not perfect

Neither are we, and we love you guys soo much.

Anita I love you

Share your experience with me in the comment box

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